Warning: Moderately long rants and ramblings about my year and other random stuff.
Hmmm. Well. It was tiring. Exhausting. Energy-draining. All the other adjectives you can think of. From graduating to entering the 1st circle of he– of law school, it was pretty draining. Amazingly, I’m still here. We’re still here. Hooray.
Where was I? Oh yeah, 2015.
Well. 2015 was a year of struggle, fighting, and chasing.
The start of 2015 marked my last semester in undergrad school. It was okay, aside from struggling to submit requirements, solve business case studies, do endless market research, and a whole lot more just to graduate on time (with “flying” colors by God’s grace). And I did, I did graduate on time with “flying” (Idk why they call it flying when I think shining is a better term) colors. It was okay, aside from fighting insecurities and anxieties, fighting the thoughts of giving up and quitting, from chasing for that elusive dream till I was out of breathe.
2015 was also a year of disappointment, failures and heartaches.
I failed something which I thought I could easily achieve, what i thought was truthfully mine because it was only natural. I disappointed myself more than the others when I didn’t. My heart broke into pieces after hoping and wishing. I felt my world crumble, and I fell into confusion and indecision of what I was going to do after the unfortunate event. I felt less than myself.
Maybe it was God’s way of saying, that I could do nothing, it was not for me, and I’m meant to be in another place. It doesn’t hurt less, but it helps knowing there must be something else. He’s redirecting me to another way which I never thought of, somewhere that I’ll truly belong.
2015 was also a year of uncertainty, rediscovery and understanding.
I didn’t know what to do after graduating. I didn’t know if I would ever get back what I lost over the years. I didn’t know what was the correct path. I didn’t know if I would ever survive or finish what I started but I rediscovered a part of me which I thought was dead. I rediscovered things that I believed I’ve thrown away before like trash. I rediscovered things which I forgot over time, like my love for dreaming and my intense dislike of small talks. I understood that things will never go my way despite the meticulous planning and desperate praying because God has other plans. What His other plans are, I don’t know. We’ll just have to believe, because we have to understand that it’s part of having faith.
2015 was a year of impulsiveness, openness and awkwardness.
“I’ll enroll in that school!”, and the next day I did. “Tara, labas tayo!” (“Come on, let’s go out), next thing I knew, we were already riding a cab on our way to some fancy restaurant (which was lucky, because they could have whisked me away to the province or some other questionable area). I met a lot of people, people who could have stayed as strangers but I chose to be open and now they’re my friends (. . . . . . Or so i think). I became open to the idea of sharing my personal space (I need around 1km) with other people (because I have to. And it’s surpisingly ok). I became open to sharing my thoughts and saying my ideas. I had a lot of awkward moments this year. One time, I thought the red lady standing in front of an isle at National Bookstore was an employee there but it turned out that she was a Jollibee personnel. Both companies have red uniform, ok. Not my fault. Then there was the this time that I fell near the sidewalk, and I stood up immediately and the guy who was trying to help me get up got confused because everything happened so fast and I pretended nothing weird happened.
2015 was a year of endings and beginnings, of hate and love, of despair and hope.
The funny thing about it is that 2016 is gonna be another year filled with all those stuff.
We’re going to experience the same things again. Not with the same degree or level, of course it won’t exactly be a repeat of the past year. But we’re still going to go through a lot of struggle and hardships, and we’re also going to have fun and learn a lot.
The next year is going to be a new year. Obviously. But it doesn’t make it any more or less special. It’s just a year. And we probably should celebrate every day, every minute, every second, instead of every new year, because you know, perspective. We are blessed for every moment.
Happy New Year!