2017 is the year of the Trigger.
I mean it in the most politically correct sense. I was about to write something about using the word trigger in the correct sense because let’s face it, the word is totally misused this year that it harms those who have legitimate triggers for their various disease but yes, let’s not get carried away. But wait, this is just my random ramblings so I can do anything, yey!
2017 is one heck of a roller coaster ride, we’ve had so many ups and down. I’m just going to choose some highlights because it will be too long if I write down all of it. Lol.
I started off the year okay, and by okay I mean really, okay. I was as healthy as I can be. Hooray. I got great professors, and I learned a lot. But. I just had to get triggered to ruin it all. One mishap. One bad thing. Everything went down. My insecurities, my fears, my doubts, they all came crashing down. It wasn’t their fault, no, I was just triggered. That was it. I got sick more often than not all throughout the year.
I got the result to one of the final exams, I passed. People would think I should be happy and grateful but I wasn’t. I was horrified. I got a lower grade than my stellar sibling. I was overreacting maybe but it was one of the moments where I felt less than half of a dignified person that deserved to die. I failed one subject that I wasn’t supposed to fail because God knows how many times I’ve taken that subject already but it was a blessing in disguise so that’s okay. Things happen for a reason.
I got another checkup because I just wanted to clear everything, and I had to get over my complexes. It didn’t go as I expected. I was called immature.
I thought what they labeled as immature was my desire to help people, so I got mad and rebelled. I will be nice and bloody help people even if it kills me. It’s only recently that I realized that no, my altruistic desire is not immature. What’s immature is when you have no boundaries. When you enable people to take advantage of you when you worry other people because you have no sense of self-preservation, not only is that immature, that is one of the most selfish things you can do. I did not heed the advice of my friends and family who kept on reminding me harshly, just so I can have something left for myself. It’s nice to give, but you cannot keep on giving yourself away to the point that nothing is left because how can you keep on giving.
Nothing is wrong with being nice, but there is something wrong with the fact that you keep nothing to yourself that you had to worry the people who care for you. For that, I sincerely thank and apologize to my loved ones for the reminders and the support. Thank you so much.
I was cycling between hurt and unfeeling throughout the year. I had some ups too, and I got my 2017 plot twist when I got the internship I was expecting not to get. Yey. There are a lot of things I want to write about but meh.
Most liberating moment of the year: Philippine Model Congress 2017. Nobody knew me when I joined it. No pressure from anyone. No professors to grade me, no parents to tell me what to do, no classmates to expect anything from me, no friends to keep up the happy facade. Nothing. (Except the time somebody mentioned my current occupation and I just wanted the ground to swallow me hahaha). Sure there were a lot of times I wanted to kill some ignorant people there, but here’s to hoping that they learn since I let them live. LOL.
Most awkward moment of the year: When my mom thought I was on a date. Me. A wallflower. A weeb. A cat lady. Out on a date. WTF. Hahaha. Huhu. -_-
The lesson of the year: People betray, God does not.
I would give out more awards but I’m going to say they’re too many to mention. Lol.
2017 had its ups and down.
Mental Health Act. Mental health is now gaining awareness in the Philippines. Mass actions like rally and other protests against the wrongs of the administration were held.
The Marawi Siege, Vinta PH, attacks on Rohingya, Syria, Palestine, and a lot more, they are disasters which could have been prevented or at least mitigated with proper management. They’re complex issues but we can help with simple solutions. We’re still alive, and we can do something, that’s what truly matters.
My 2017’s hashtag was #laban2017 or #fighting2017. And fight, we did. We shall continue on doing so.
So yeaaah, here’s the longest random rambling of my year.
Thank you so much to everyone. To my readers (lol. hello there) that reads my blog, to my new friends that I met, to the old and loyal friends that stayed, to my classmates who helped me, to my professors who guided me, to the people that betrayed but served as a lesson, to my family that were always there for me, and most especially to God, Allah (SWT). Alhamdulillah (praise God) for everything.
Cheers to a more hopeful and helpful year ahead.